Monday, March 28, 2011

Vent Column: Texting. K.

With the exception of just a few, if you walk upright on two legs and have a pulse, you're texting these days. Some of us do it more than others, but we can pretty much agree that the majority of the First-World population is texting each other. Some of us do it at work, some of us do it in school, some of us do it on the freeway going 90MPH and cutting off old ladies (it wasn't me!). Regardless if you're a stickler for good grammar and spelling or you like to abbreviate every word so that your sentences look like this: IDTYWKWIASH (I don't think you will know what I am saying here), there's the one text we're all both guilty of, and hate receiving. K.

That's it, just "K" or sometimes elaborated to "Ok" - Hey, if you really wanna be fancy, you can even add punctuation.

Some people still pay for each text they get; usually the crowd that doesn't do much texting and can't justify spending the extra money on an unlimited plan (again, not me). Even if you don't pay for each text, the odds that you really want to go and read a message as useless as this are pretty slim. Let's think about it: Texting is great because it eliminates the need to call someone (especially if you really just don't want to deal with that person) and go through all the expected niceties "Hi. How are you? How are things? I'm good. How's your mom? Your dad? Sister? Gerbil? Grandmother? Play any good lottery numbers lately?" before getting down to the actual topic you are calling about. It's about making things simpler and quicker. So when someone asks me a basic question -- one to which I will answer and not expect a reply to unless it's to argue, clarify, elaborate on, or otherwise carry on a meaningful dialogue about -- I don't need nor want you to write back to my reply with "K."

What's the fucking point? Unless there's some ridiculous hold up in the microwave signals, I'm confident that you got my message; there's no reason to make my phone ring or vibrate, distract me from whatever else I'm doing, and have me open up my message to read a single fucking letter. I don't need you to acknowledge my message, I probably don't care that much about if you even got it anyway, and if I wanted to be sure to continue the conversation, I would have reciprocated some form of a question or new topic at the end of my message to you.

Person A: "Hey, are you going straight home from work?"
Me: "No, I'm stopping to pick up a nipple waxing kit from the drug store. Want me to pick one up for you as well?
Person A: "K" <-- Acceptable, because I asked a question, to which they gave a positive response.

Person A: "Hey, are you going straight home from work?"
Me: "No, I'm stopping to get my nipples waxed and my balls polished"
Person A: "K"  <-- NOT NECESSARY!

What if I really was driving and texted you at a light that was about to turn green? Now you've got me swerving and bee-bopping all over the place so I can check your message, thinking it's probably something important. Or what if I was at work and my boss walks in and then I have to explain the whole nipple waxing situation to him? Thanks a lot!

Stop! Wasting! My! Time!


-Rob Acocella

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